Stone Faced

When I was a boy in kindergarten, I had a miscommunication with the teacher and ended up dressing up for a party the next day while everyone else wore their school uniform. Forget about the fact that my parents did not even bother to bring me back home to change. What I really want to talk about is about the sense of embarrassment. For all I knew was that I might as well be naked.

On a separate occasion. I was picking up my brother from school today. It was the first time in a while since I did it, the last time was probably before I left Brunei a few years ago. Casually, I waited for him outside the school gate for a long time since that was where I used to pick him up. I remember moments later that my father said that he’ll be waiting inside the school compound. So I drove the car through the entrance gate and found that I’m blocked by cars from both side of the road, facing me. It took me a while to realise that the gate has now been the exit and there is another gate built for entrance on the far side of the compound.

I started sweating furiously, I’m giving nervous smile to random drivers pointing at me with their stern or angry expression. From the way that they’re unwilling to give way, I’m guessing they expected me to reverse. No, I couldn’t do that, behind me is a nonstop traffic of similarly impatient drivers. The fight or flight system kicked in and I knew now that I have to navigate myself through. I drove in zigzags hoping for the mercy of other drivers to give way until I reached the parking area. I managed.

Embarrassment; to think of it, is only existent when you’re around a social situation. You wouldn’t have a similar sensation if you were alone. Hence in order to eliminate such feeling, one have to imagine that one is alone. But what defines being alone. You could have a cat in a room and still feel alone. It’s perhaps that it is not the physical embodiment that defines the numbers but maybe the number of minds. So in order to be truly alone, a person have to imagine that he is the only one is an environment which has the ability to think.

So to the boy who was misinformed about the class party, you don’t have to be butt naked. You can just think that everyone else is simply mindless. The end.